|Sunday, January 14th, 2007|
|still sick but feeling better....
i missed 3 days of work this week cause i was sick with a nasty cold went to the dr. on friday and he told me there wasnt something i can take to kill what i have that it will eventually pass... he did give me some cough med with codeine in it so it help me sleep at night... so today i was actually feeling alot better and even went to the gym again to workout since i been so frustrated of not being able to go cause of my cold cough and everything because i had just gotten started going again... i am happy cause i worked out and have lost alittle weight since starting to workout again last week... now my tough part is to continue to keep going and keep eating healthier...i am also stoked cause i think i might be able to go back and visit my family in march i havent seen them since i moved to cali and it been almost 2.5 years... so i havent seen my oldest newphew and havent even met the new twins either...i looked and right now i can get a round trip ticket for like 183 bucks so i am excited like that...other than that i guess things are going ok and i am not as depressed as i have been... i seem to go from extreme highs to lows... dont know y but that is just me...maybe i will update in a day or two and keep up my idea of trying to post more often Peace!!!
|Tuesday, January 9th, 2007|
|sick.....sucks i hate it
being sick really suck... i dont know the last time i really been sick with a cold... i got it a couple days ago...i woke up this morning feeling like crap coughing and chest really sore and drained... i still went to work this morning for a couple hours i could call in at 5am and leave the guy (who is disabled) that i help get up and ready for his day... so i went and did that and then went into work at 815am and by 915am my supervisor told me to go home... bummer now cause i have to call another coordinator to let them know i cant go to the guys house this afternoon in which he has a dr. appointment...so i know i was able to help out but feel bad about letting them down i been sleeping since 10am and i dont feel any better so i am not sure i am going to be able to work at all tomorrow either...other than that things are going ok... yesterday was a busy day with work and the gym then going to chucke cheese for my friend and his son birthday followed by dinner with another friend and a movie...the movie was good saw eragon... it also sucks cause i am not going to the gym after i made it like 3 straight days i miss doing the cardio ...not much exciting going on .. off to get my soup... later...
|Sunday, January 7th, 2007|
|its been awhile... what is going on in my world
hi all dont know who is reading this... i know i hardly ever post but what is going on with me is not a whole lot. i work quite often. my job is working and dealing with people who have development disabilities... its going alright i like my job. i am however lonely and not as depressed as i have been in the past although... i am in alright health i guess i need to lose weight i weighed myself the other day and weight 285 lbs which is just about the heaviest i have been since i was like 20 when i weight almost 295lbs... granted i never weighed over 300lbs and have always been pretty big but i am not any taller than 6ft and i think my weight has alot to do with my depression and loneliness of self esteem... hopefully by starting to workout and go to the gym and eating healthier i will be better physically but mentally and who knows maybe those women will be like i want some of that...lol if anyone is curious to what i look like i can post some pics...as for me i have started working out second day in a row going to the gym just doing some cardio to build endurance and burn calories no need to lift yet...that and finally using that membership i been paying for every month and not going... so horaay for me... anyways talk to everyone later...
|Monday, May 15th, 2006|
i heard from my DMV hearing in the mail on sat when i got home from work. i am excited to say that according to the dmv my liscense isnt suspended due to no evidence of proof driving had happened since i was passed out drunk parked at my apt complex. now i am hoping that the DUI charge will be completely dismissed and be very fortunate. on my part ... feeling very lucky
|Saturday, May 13th, 2006|
i know i hardly ever post so i guess this just letting everyone know what is up with me.... i been busy working my 2 jobs, i got charged with a DUI on may 30 waiting to hear if i lose my liscense next week. i going to try and post more maybe it can help my depression of being lonely and having not many friends i talk to see or hang out with. maybe this can be theraputic for me...
|Monday, December 12th, 2005|
|this from a friend...ask me any 3 ?
You may ask me three questions, no matter how personal, dirty, or strange, and I will answer them honestly. However, if you ask, you must repost this in your journal so others may ask you...
|Thursday, November 24th, 2005|
i know i dont update this too often.. but my holidays was spent working as usual not that i had anything to do or fam... since i got kicked out where i was in tn a year ago i am now in california with nothing but my car.. where i been homeless a couple times moved assaulted and had my car stolen... times i do wish i was dead...i do go from hi to lows fast and often ... i dont have many friends except ones i chat with here...i do work have 2 jobs and bought a new car back in feb... i seem to have my shit together half ass right now...haha anyways if you want to know anymore let me know.. otherwise i will try and keep this more updated...guess unfortunately i am still surviving grr...
|Wednesday, November 9th, 2005|
|things are just as messed up...
i guess its mean i been comtemplating on writing more often in hear hoping that it will help but i never do...anyways i am still depressed and wish my life was over...the thing is that the person i most care about in the world i keep fucking things up with and do believe things are over..i really wish my life is over... i try and sacrifice all i can for everyone but myself and i seem to get nothing but heartache in return...there is someone i care so much about and trying to help them out as much as i can but i get irritated cause that person says they feel the same about me but for some reason cant approve or keep comments and stuff on there page as if no one can no about me...i really wish my whole misery and existance was over i dont see much reason for me being here i feel alot like the guy from the movie green mile just so much hate and hurt inside .. i have thought about death before and it doesnt scare me one bit i think that is kind of the saddest part cause it can come or go i pretty much feel dead inside except for all my pain i guess that is the only way i know i am still here ... i am so lonely and depressed i have no friends that see me or anyone who knows the real me...i dont think anyone will ever cause really seriously thinking about death and wish it come soon... Current Mood: crushed
|Monday, September 19th, 2005|
|what is wrong with me?
to anyone that it matters... i really dont know what is wrong with me... i have no friends no life and no one who cares and wants to love me... i am so sick and tired of being lonely ...i thought i had found someone who wanted me or wanted to be with me only to find out that she doesnt want me to come see her...i really wish to be dead cause i am so tired of hurting inside...i really dont think anyone would miss me i feel so unimportant...my bday is in about a week and only thing that looks like any way out is suicide so many times i just prayed for death to come... i know its not right i should be thankful to be alive but to me i am just living in total misery and this is my hell...anyways i guess i should just shut the fuck up but what a first time post ... maybe this is the real me... Current Mood: depressed